


I'm Letting It

by inthemorning



Series: Songs on Shuffle: A Writing Exercise [1]
Category: Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ???????? what is this, F/M, Reader-Insert, it's kind of drabble i suppose? dunno really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5348006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthemorning/pseuds/inthemorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is inherently selfish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Letting It

**Author's Note:**

> As a writing exercise, I am starting to force myself to play a song on shuffle and write, getting some sort of inspiration from it. These are all probably gonna be short. Let's see how long this lasts. // This one is based off of 10am Gare du Nord by Keaton Henson. Listen [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8f9sMxzdFM).

       There is something inherently selfish about love. I am letting myself feel it.

       I shuffle to my desk and gently set my laptop on the darkened wood, as not to wake her. It was nearly three in the morning and the spring breeze flowed through the open window. I hear an ambulance race down the street, somewhere nearby. I glance at her and almost go to shut out the noise of London, but stop myself. She stirs beneath the monochrome checkered duvet.

       Now, a part of me is okay with her being asleep. It’s an ungodly hour of the night, so I can’t blame her. Another, increasingly potent part of me wants her to be awake. There is no real reason to have her with me right now; not as real a reason as me being settled comfortably by her side, in slumber.

       I almost completely give in, but settle on walking back to the bed, dragging my feet and accidentally kicking the mini inflatable dinosaur that usually sits by the piano. The bed dips too much when I get back in it; there is no way she doesn’t feel my weight pull itself beside her.

       I watch her for a period of time, slowing my breathing and keeping myself still. Her own breathing pattern doesn’t change; the cadence is slow and slight and one of someone deep in slumber. I let myself sigh quietly, bringing my head to the pillow. I am not sure if my sigh was supposed to be some way of waking her up, but if she did, I wouldn’t complain.

       I don’t know how long I stared at the back of her head, but I will admit that I smiled when she rolled over. The dark circles beneath her eyes are prominent now, with the silver light of the moon casting shadows on her face. The cupid’s bow on her top lip is prominent, too. And the acne scar on her forehead. Her eyelashes even cast shadows across her cheeks. I want to reach out and feel it all. Feel the soft skin of her eyelids and the slope of her nose and even her slightly chapped lower lip.

        _Do not touch the art._

       I find myself doing it anyway. I swear on my life; I didn’t mean to. “It’s late and I’m hardly lucid!” I’d defend. But I don’t think I’ll need to. I let myself feel the thin skin beneath her eyes and draw hearts on her cheek with my finger and down her jaw to her neck. There’s a small bruise right below her ear and I go over it once, twice, three times with my thumb. I feel her heart rate increase and I stop moving. Her breathing becomes uneven and I pull my hand back to grip the sheets between us. I suppress a smile and try to figure out if I did this on accident or not.

       Her eyes open and she squints in exhaustion. “Dan?”

       There is something inherently selfish about love. I am letting myself feel it.

****  
  



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